By James Rapson

ISBN-10: 1402206526

ISBN-13: 9781402206528

ISBN-10: 1402220391

ISBN-13: 9781402220395

Do you (or does somebody you know)... --Apologize usually or for stuff you aren't accountable for? --Get preoccupied with what people ponder you? --Become unsatisfied while your companion isn't pleased? --Feel nervous or fretful so frequently it kind of feels basic? --Often now not be aware of what you will have? --Constantly second-guess your self? persistent Niceness impacts multitudes, inflicting critical nervousness and melancholy, crippling vanity, and undermining and destroying relationships fearful to thrill unearths the first mental reason for persistent Niceness--Anxious Attachment. worried Attachment drives the great individual to house, acquiesce and steer clear of clash. great humans take what they are given instead of inquiring for what they need, frequently sacrificing courting, careers and their very own integrity. worried to delight offers seven strong practices designed to result in: resilient vanity; a happier and calmer emotional lifestyles; a reality-based optimism for the long run; pleasurable intercourse; and pleasant relationships.

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Example text

The elevation of idealized lovers (the Pedestal), the sacrifices (the Altar), and the entrapments (the Gilded Cage) are all features that flow from the agitated core of the Nice Person. The bad news is that Nice People are not likely to change their lives by just trying harder or by memorizing new behavior strategies. The good news is that genuine transformation is indeed possible. It comes from the development of an internal strength and compassion for self which changes the Nice Person from the inside out.

A mother’s stress level may be increased as she tries (or feels guilty anxious_internals 12/11/07 11:23 AM Page 31 A Natural History of the Nice Person 31 about not trying) to be both a mother and father to her children. Children learn by proximity. Hanging out with mom and dad, even working by their side, was once a wonderful way to learn about becoming an adult. When a father works elsewhere there can be a sense of psychological distance for both himself and his children. His mind and heart are occupied in a world utterly separate from his household.

Now, however, being the object of Peter’s adoCompliments ration can make her feel like, well, an object. from a Peter is adoring the Goddess that he projects Nice Person onto Shannon and often doesn’t see her as she can feel like really is. It feels hollow to Shannon, and she doesn’t quite understand why. applause from Peter’s unconscious idealizations (called a drunken “projections” in the parlance of psychoanalysis) audience operate like a cheap air freshener, aiming to anxious_internals 12/11/07 11:23 AM Page 47 Pedestals, Altars, and Gilded Cages 47 neutralize and obscure anything that might be malodorous.

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Anxious to Please: 7 Revolutionary Practices for the Chronically Nice by James Rapson


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